Exit Strategy

Steps to Safely Leave a Toxic, Coercive or Abusive Relationship

You Are Not Alone: A Step-by-Step Guide to Safely Leaving an Abusive Relationship

Leaving a toxic or abusive relationship is incredibly brave and can also be incredibly dangerous. Planning and preparation are key to ensuring your safety. This guide offers clear steps to help you move forward safely, with support.

1. Trust Your Instincts

  • If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

  • You do not need to justify your experience to anyone in order to take action.

2. Reach Out for Support

  • Contact a trusted friend, family member, or support organisation.

  • Consider connecting with a domestic violence support service in your area (such as 1800RESPECT in Australia).

  • Keep these contacts written down and saved in a safe place.

3. Create a Safety Plan

  • Know where you will go and how you will get there.

  • Pack an emergency bag (keep it somewhere safe or with someone you trust).

    - Include: ID, money, medications, keys, phone charger, legal documents, clothes, children's essentials.

  • Plan a safe word with someone close to you to signal danger. This can also be an emoji sent by text. Discuss what your safe person does if you have to send them the signal (ie: call Police, pick you up from somewhere etc).

  • If you bank with the Commonwealth Bank you may be able to access their DV support fund.

4. Secure Important Documents and ensure you can your own bank account

  • Birth certificates, IDs, bank cards, Medicare card, legal papers.

  • Store copies digitally in a secure email or cloud folder.

  • If you don’t already, open a bank account that is solely in your name. Keep the details to yourself. Add money to the account in person at a branch to reduce moving money digitally (especially if financial abuse is occurring).

5. Document Everything

  • Keep a private log of abusive incidents (dates, times, screenshots, photos). We have a free downloadable evidence collection document you can access here, or there are some great apps you can use (such as Arc App).

  • This may help later with legal action, restraining orders, or custody arrangements.

6. Turn Off Location Sharing

  • Disable location sharing on apps, social media, and devices.

  • Be cautious of shared phone accounts or smart home technology.

7. Be Cautious with Technology

  • Use private browsing or an incognito tab when searching for help.

  • Create a new, secure email address for sensitive communication.

  • Consider using a safe device that your partner cannot access.

8. Inform Professionals Discreetly

  • Tell your doctor, child’s school, workplace, or any relevant services about your situation (if safe to do so).

  • They can help provide cover, discretion, and protection.

9. Know Your Legal Rights

  • Contact a domestic violence legal service.

  • You may be entitled to restraining orders, emergency housing, financial support, and more.

  • Reach out to Centrelink. Apply for all that you can (single parenting, family tax A and B, you may also be entitled to a pension card which provides a lot of discount opportunities.

10. Prepare Emotionally

  • Leaving can bring grief, confusion, and fear.

  • It’s okay to feel all of this. It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.

  • Support services and trauma-informed counsellors are here to walk with you. (Anglicare offers free counselling and if you are based in Karratha, The Karratha Women’s Place is a sensational support and also offers free counselling services.

You Deserve Safety, Peace and Support. There is no shame in needing help. You are worthy of a life free from control and harm.

If in immediate danger, call emergency services: 000 (Australia) Support: 1800RESPECT | Lifeline 13 11 14